Depression Confessions: When Hurting Moms Consider Suicide

It came upon me in two significant moments, the understanding that I had survived, and then, the realization that I was alive. It was like resuscitation: jolting, beating, breathing, feeling. I had not actually died, but my heart and brain felt comatose for months. … More Depression Confessions: When Hurting Moms Consider Suicide

Beyond Babies: What Comes Next?

Of course, there is little we can do to slow down the passage of time. At best, we can commit to navigating gracefully, as we try to be present in the beautiful moments, grateful through the mundane, and patient through the trials. Because the truth is, time never really felt tangible until we had our children, did it? But when each year brings tremendous growth that we can pencil in like marking height against the wall, it is nearly impossible to ignore how fleeting time can be. … More Beyond Babies: What Comes Next?

It Does Not Get Easier, But You Do Get Better

And this woman, this mother who seemed to know my pain though I had not spoken of it, stood and held me as though she was embracing a younger version of herself. She let me get it all out, and when I could catch the air again, smiled her pleasant smile, assured me that I was doing my best, and patted my baby goodbye. It was one of the strangest moments of my life, and yet nothing had ever felt more serendipitous. I never saw her again, but I truly believe she crossed my path that day to deliver a message I desperately needed to hear. … More It Does Not Get Easier, But You Do Get Better

To My Children on November 8th, 2016: I Cast My Vote for You

I wasn’t going to share anything here today. Your mind has been made. You have heard what you have wanted to hear. Your vote in this historic election has been cast, (I hope), whether with enthusiasm or dread. And I must believe, though we might strongly disagree, that your heart is in the right place. … More To My Children on November 8th, 2016: I Cast My Vote for You

Finding Your Light: An Open Letter to the Mama Lost to Motherhood

I see you, even though you are having a hard time seeing yourself.

You stand before the toothpaste-splattered mirror at the end of the day searching hard for the spirit of the woman who was once housed by this body, only now all you see are the visible signs of exhaustion from the routine. A heart swelling full of love, yet pierced by the fragments of your lingering dreams.

Beneath the dark-circled eyes, the hands wrinkled under the weight of all their giving, the body weary from a life well lived, you wonder, is she there — the girl that I used to be? … More Finding Your Light: An Open Letter to the Mama Lost to Motherhood

There Will Never Be Another Newborn

I think I am grieving the firsts because, with each one that my baby girl reaches, it is one step closer to the end of this season in my life. One step closer to the end of mothering. And yes, we will mother them forever, but not in this way. Not in this way that can consume our every moment, that can render us lost in the gravity of this love. I know, it will not be this way forever. … More There Will Never Be Another Newborn