Of course, there is little we can do to slow down the passage of time. At best, we can commit to navigating gracefully, as we try to be present in the beautiful moments, grateful through the mundane, and patient through the trials. Because the truth is, time never really felt tangible until we had our children, did it? But when each year brings tremendous growth that we can pencil in like marking height against the wall, it is nearly impossible to ignore how fleeting time can be. … More Beyond Babies: What Comes Next?
I see you, even though you are having a hard time seeing yourself.
You stand before the toothpaste-splattered mirror at the end of the day searching hard for the spirit of the woman who was once housed by this body, only now all you see are the visible signs of exhaustion from the routine. A heart swelling full of love, yet pierced by the fragments of your lingering dreams.
Beneath the dark-circled eyes, the hands wrinkled under the weight of all their giving, the body weary from a life well lived, you wonder, is she there — the girl that I used to be? … More Finding Your Light: An Open Letter to the Mama Lost to Motherhood
I think I am grieving the firsts because, with each one that my baby girl reaches, it is one step closer to the end of this season in my life. One step closer to the end of mothering. And yes, we will mother them forever, but not in this way. Not in this way that can consume our every moment, that can render us lost in the gravity of this love. I know, it will not be this way forever. … More There Will Never Be Another Newborn
The weight of growing, and birthing, and nurturing, and giving, and working, and caring, and loving, and raising — I can’t carry it all. There is no place within me left to hold it all in. I am teetering on an edge and I feel that I am about to slip down into the canyon lying in wait below me, anticipating my fall, eager to mock me and my failure. … More Letting Go
I miss you in the way that the branches of a barren tree long for spring; in the way that the sprawling sky blanketed with clouds wishes for a streak of sunlight to break through. … More What Love Looks Like Now (To My Husband From Your Exhausted Wife)
It happened last summer. The kind of incidence that resonates with you, that sticks to your bones, that whispers to you as you try to sleep. I’ve carried it with me, quietly, for six months now, wondering how to proceed. In a crowded restaurant, a sweet ten-year-old, whom I adore, looked straight across the … More Just a Mom