It Does Not Get Easier, But You Do Get Better

And this woman, this mother who seemed to know my pain though I had not spoken of it, stood and held me as though she was embracing a younger version of herself. She let me get it all out, and when I could catch the air again, smiled her pleasant smile, assured me that I was doing my best, and patted my baby goodbye. It was one of the strangest moments of my life, and yet nothing had ever felt more serendipitous. I never saw her again, but I truly believe she crossed my path that day to deliver a message I desperately needed to hear. … More It Does Not Get Easier, But You Do Get Better

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There Will Never Be Another Newborn

I think I am grieving the firsts because, with each one that my baby girl reaches, it is one step closer to the end of this season in my life. One step closer to the end of mothering. And yes, we will mother them forever, but not in this way. Not in this way that can consume our every moment, that can render us lost in the gravity of this love. I know, it will not be this way forever. … More There Will Never Be Another Newborn

Letting Go

The weight of growing, and birthing, and nurturing, and giving, and working, and caring, and loving, and raising — I can’t carry it all. There is no place within me left to hold it all in. I am teetering on an edge and I feel that I am about to slip down into the canyon lying in wait below me, anticipating my fall, eager to mock me and my failure. … More Letting Go

Do You Need Some Help? (An Encounter in a Public Bathroom)

I was crouching outside of a public bathroom stall, a bag of thirty library books precariously hanging from my shoulder (homeschoolers are book hoarders), trying to calm my screaming 3-year-old enough to teach him how to unlock the stall and let me in to help. He had decided he was going into the stall alone … More Do You Need Some Help? (An Encounter in a Public Bathroom)