Supermom – Mighty Mamas with Little & Mighty

Supermom.

It can be hard to live up to.

When Little & Mighty asked me to describe the moment I most feel like a Supermom for this week’s Mighty Mamas discussion, I had to dig deep.

I mean, really deep, y’all. 

Because if I were going to be honest, (as most of you have come to expect from me here), I would tell you that I haven’t really felt like a Supermom in quite some time.

In fact, if I was going to reveal to you the truths hidden away deep in my anxious heart, they might tell you that I feel like I am failing all the way around.

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The face of a mama in hideout, feeling anything but Supermom.

I recently told a friend that I feel like I have my hands holding a little piece of everything, but I am not holding any of it well. I’m carrying my life around, frantically, from one place to the next, holding my breath as I anticipate everything crashing to the ground.

Sometimes when I can finally catch my breath after the bedtime hustle, I evaluate everything I have done that day. With satisfaction, I cross items off of the to-do lists in my mind. Yet, lately this practice feels like an analysis of failure.

How are you going to handle this homeschooling/homemaking/ blogging business/babywearing/preschool at home/decent friend/caring sister/loving wife/living graciously and generously – thing?

And the voice in my head tells me I’m not. Or if I am, I’m not handling any of it very gracefully.

(Just see exhibits A and B.)

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Exhibit A – Blanket Fort

 

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Exhibit B – Laundry Mountain

My daughter hit her five month milestone this past weekend. I keep telling myself that it is going to get easier. The schedule is going to settle in, naturally. The sleep is going to go for longer stretches. The meeting of three children’s unique needs is going to come more effortlessly as I figure it all out. The older boys are adjusting to our new normal as a family of five. It is going to get easier.

My blog will be hitting its five month milestone soon, too. (Because launching a blog with a newborn in my arms just seemed like a brilliant idea.) I keep telling myself that it is going to get easier. The writing won’t consume me as I learn to find my voice. The editing won’t last into all hours of the night as I become more efficient. The foreign language of coding and monetizing and SEO are going to sound more familiar. The anxiety of hitting “publish” is going to diminish as my courage grows. It is going to get easier.

And the glaring truth is, none of this is really hard.

Illness, treatment, loss, grief, sorrow. Those are the hard things I have lived and I have survived.

And there are a hundred million women in the world carrying weight much more heavy.

This mess, this overwhelm of right now, this is the good stuff of life. 

I know that. Believe me, I am grateful for the tornado in which I seem to be forever spinning.

But I can’t help but feel responsible for the spinning, because, aren’t we mothers supposed to be the calm in the center of the storm?

Didn’t someone say that along the way?

That the successes of our children, the upkeep of our home life, the happiness of our partners, the breaking of glass ceilings in our own careers — that ALL of this, and more, falls squarely on our shoulders?

I’m not sure if anyone ever mandated that, or if it was simply a succession of perfectionist-pleasers, such as myself, who somewhere along the path in life, decided that if everything wasn’t absolutely perfect, then it wasn’t good enough at all.

If we can’t carry everything, then that means we are dropping the ball.

If we aren’t perpetually Supermom, then we aren’t anyone at all.

This cannot be the truth that I live.

And if you are cracking under this pressure, too, then take a pause with me, and recognize that this is not the path to contentment.

We must learn to be gentle.

Forgiving.

To be still.

To be tolerant and flexible.

To denounce the glorification of busy.

To be grateful, always.

And as I practice treating myself with a little more grace, and regarding my life as more blessedly beautiful and less overwhelmingly chaotic, then perhaps I can reveal my inner Supermom.

The mom who seeks out the superb, in everything.

What makes you feel like a Supermom? Is it days when you rush about and call yourself successful, or are they the moments when you stop to smile at the joy you have created? I loved hearing what the other Mighty Mamas had to say, and do hope you’ll come join us over at Little & Mighty to join in the conversation.

 

 

 

 

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23 thoughts on “Supermom – Mighty Mamas with Little & Mighty

  1. Yes! I love this so much. Some days I’m telling myself how hard it is to blog and keep a clean house and take care of 2 kids, but in all honesty, it’s not hard. My best friend is getting some testing for bone defects/bone cancer today and was crying to me yesterday about how she’s worried she won’t have enough pumped milk for her 4-month old (she needs to pump and dump for 2 days after since some radioactive stuff will be pumped into her for the xrays.) and it really reminded me of how LUCKY I am and how easy I have it.

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    1. Exactly, Morgan. I had my own cancer scare just a few months ago, and I feel as though lately I have forgotten how scared I was at the thought of losing all of this. Because the truth is, no matter how hard or crazy or messy, this life I have is an incredible gift. I will be thinking of your friend. Those are the mamas who truly need all the love and support. I am sure you are a wonderful comfort to her.

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  2. You’re an amazing writer and I highly enjoyed this 🙂 Often times I try to be Supermom but the reality is, I can’t always be, no matter how hard I try. I strive for perfection all the time and I let it get to me but sometimes I sit here and think, “why?” Who am I trying to impress? My daughter loves me the way I am even when I’m not trying hard enough and that’s all that should matter. To her, I am good enough. And I need to remember that I have a husband who I should go to for help when I can’t do it all. That’s two extra hands to help me instead of always trying to be Supermom! Btw, my sofa has like 4 different blankets scattered on it, and that laundry pile looks all too familiar in my household lol.

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by to share such kind words and to offer some solidarity. It means so much to me! And you are exactly right? Who benefits from our overwhelm? Our kids love us just as we are. What a beautiful, beautiful thing.

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  3. I wrote a post so similar to this recently but haven’t posted (and it wasn’t nearly as well-written lol) but the pressure, the constant feeling of ‘overwhelm’ and for what? trying to live up to a standard we’ve, in part, created for ourselves. For what it’s worth, I think you’re super mom and just super in general.

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    1. Thank you so much, Shaunacey. Actually, as I was writing this your words about treating myself as I would treat a friend were very present in my mind. I wouldn’t ever want to see a friend crumbling under this pressure, and I certainly don’t want my daughter to grow up and feel that she has to always be better or be more than. I am trying SO hard to accept myself as enough. And this community and all of you fabulous women are a huge support in that endeavor.

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      1. I’m so glad you’ve found that helpful, I also find it’s a great way to snap myself out of a negative thought process and being so hard on myself.
        Truly, we cannot be that terrible of mothers/wives/whatever if we’re actually worried about how good we are at it (if that makes sense). If we were terrible we just wouldn’t care.

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  4. Love this…. we all feel like we are failing… you are not alone! I feel that way when all I do is yell at my kids for the 2 hours I see them in the evenings after work… some days are just so frustrating, but then I feel bad because I wasted that precious time with them. I need to work on not being so hard on myself.

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    1. It is such a delicate balance, Jessica! Trying to appreciate each moment but honoring the fact that we are human, too, and have our own frustrations, difficulties and moments of overwhelm that are entirely valid. We can all be better, together, and I agree, it begins with us being more gentle with ourselves.

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  5. Thanks for sharing! I think as we start to figure out that there is no such thing as a “Supermom” we will start to relax and come into our own. Try not to be so hard on yourself:). You are doing a great job!

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  6. i often wonder the same thing, what the hell was i thinking when i decided to start blogging with 2 small children. And when is my laundry going to get done!! In reality i don’t think i know one “supermom” i just know a lot of women that are AMAZING mothers and they too have a pile of laundry lying there!!

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