All week I have envisioned sharing with you my wonderful wisdom on how to stay organized, calm, and centered throughout your week.
…And then this week went to hell and I quickly realized that I am not the authority on organization. AT ALL.
I am a stay at home, work at home, homeschooling mother to three, ages six, three, and five months old, who throughout the day calmly responds to her children’s inquiries with, “I am doing the best that I can.”
But I often wonder, am I really doing the best that I can?
Because telling my older boys to JUST GO OUTSIDE AND RUN IN A CIRCLE! while I sneak into my pantry to eat handfuls of dried cranberries hardly seems like the best I can give.
My husband is working long hours, I have a teething baby, I am
rocking lost in the blogging world, and trying to keep up with teaching an intelligent kid, while feeding the fascinations of a tender-hearted preschooler. Most days, I find myself constantly wondering if I am enough.
So, no, I don’t think I can give you “10 tips to a Blissful Week,” as I had intended.
But maybe if I tell you everything NOT to do, you can figure it out and find your own path to contentment:
1. Do not wash clothes and throw them onto the couch into a giant, tangled mess.
Just kidding. You should totally do this. The part you shouldn’t do is wash everyone’s clothes but your own. Because one morning you will find yourself breezy and mining through laundry mountain for clean underwear. And there won’t be a single pair.
2. Do not raise your voice in exasperation to say things such as, “IS THIS MUD OR DOG POOP ON YOUR BABY SISTER’S BLANKET?”
Or my personal favorite, “So, did the Lego you fished out of the toilet fall in BEFORE OR AFTER you filled it with poop?” Because saying poop will only cause a cacophony of little voices chirping out poop jokes. Furthermore, no one is actually listening.
* It is most important to note that if you must say these things, make sure your windows are shut.
3. Do not try to sustain yourself on a steady diet of chips and salsa.
Throw some coconut flour and hemp hearts into the mix. And if you don’t know what these things are — or what to do with them — just throw them into the blender for the morning smoothie you make but forget to drink because someone is working through big feelings about the oatmeal being too “crumbly.”
4. Do not assume that you can get all of your work done during naptime.
Because the second you start getting confident about this your children will sense it and conspire to cancel naptime altogether.
5. Do not assume that you can set your alarm and get all of your work done before your children wake.
Because the second you start getting confident about THIS plan, well, just see above.
6. Do not assume that you can stay up all hours of the night and get all of your work done.
Okay well, truthfully, this plan usually works. But it is not blissful. You will wake quite exhausted the next day, searching for underwear and exercising every ounce of patience on “decrumbling” the oatmeal, wondering if 8 am is too early to begin eating your feelings.
7. Do not attempt to curl into a ball on the floor for a 90-second nap.
90 seconds is just long enough to fall into a comatose state. Your children will take this as an invitation to play “Let’s jump off the couch straight onto Mom!” Or, will magically locate the markers you hid and decorate the living room, despite their inability to locate anything else throughout the day. Haven’t reached this level of insanity, yet? Oh, you’ll get there.
8. Do not think that dragging all three children to the library and standing before the librarian pitifully while rambling about sleep regression will convince anyone to waive the $42 in overdue fees.
I’m not sure you were actually planning on doing this, but just in case you were feeling ballsy….
9. Do not close your eyes for a moment of energizing mediation whilst sitting on a public toilet.
Sure, it might seem like
the perfect time the only time to seek your center, but be warned, your crafty three-year-old might unlock the stall door and leave you exposed.
10. Most importantly, DO NOT underestimate the liberation to be found in accepting mediocrity.
Your kids only had a bath three times this week? Some study somewhere said you’re doing your part in preserving their bacterial biome. Cheerios for breakfast AND Rice Krispies for dinner? Loads of calcium being absorbed in that almond milk they are slurping from the bowl. Giggling on the floor together instead of conducting Pinterest-worthy science experiments? Well, that is the good stuff of life.
Writing a satirical how-to list instead of the soul-searching, thought-provoking essays your readers have come to expect from you? (Wait, do I even have readers?)
Happy weekend, friends. I will see you on the other side.