There Will Never Be Another Newborn

I think I am grieving the firsts because, with each one that my baby girl reaches, it is one step closer to the end of this season in my life. One step closer to the end of mothering. And yes, we will mother them forever, but not in this way. Not in this way that can consume our every moment, that can render us lost in the gravity of this love. I know, it will not be this way forever. … More There Will Never Be Another Newborn

Letting Go

The weight of growing, and birthing, and nurturing, and giving, and working, and caring, and loving, and raising — I can’t carry it all. There is no place within me left to hold it all in. I am teetering on an edge and I feel that I am about to slip down into the canyon lying in wait below me, anticipating my fall, eager to mock me and my failure. … More Letting Go

Do You Need Some Help? (An Encounter in a Public Bathroom)

I was crouching outside of a public bathroom stall, a bag of thirty library books precariously hanging from my shoulder (homeschoolers are book hoarders), trying to calm my screaming 3-year-old enough to teach him how to unlock the stall and let me in to help. He had decided he was going into the stall alone … More Do You Need Some Help? (An Encounter in a Public Bathroom)

Three truths my daughter has taught me (in just six weeks of life)

Tomorrow my daughter is six weeks old. When we were together as a family of four in that ultrasound room six months ago, I was a mother of boys. A seemingly insignificant detail, until the moment a nameless, smiling face remarked, “It’s a girl.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as my husband turned toward me, … More Three truths my daughter has taught me (in just six weeks of life)